The barbeque ...
There are times, not many, when you take an idea and MAKE IT HAPPEN. You get a buzz, "what a feeling" an all that. Well I have tried to go one step further. I am trying hard to master that craft that only my manager has consistently managed to do. That is, let someone come up with an idea, watch them make it happen and then take credit for it.
So, the other day, my girlfriend suggests having a barbeque. And I'm thinking, the sun's out, my parents are visiting, I'm off work. Am I gonna make a success of this or what ! Only one snag... I don't have a barbeque. "Twash and Piddle!" A small set back like that is not going to stop me. I'll go out and buy one.
So in the car we get. First stop, that well known BBQ re-seller - Bar Hill Tesco's. Things look promising when I walk in and see 40 cube meters of charcoal briquettes on sale at half price. This is going to be a doddle. But, oh no, they have sold out of barbeques. I asked one of the croneys working there, and he just says (well, sneers) "Summer has finished, we don't sell them after summer. We are getting ready for Christmas."
Well excuse me for missing the blistering hot weekends we have enjoyed over the last 3 months - Not! For F*cks sake! It was September the 1st and they had "sold out." What did they do with them all ? Melt them down? I reckon they take them apart and sell them as 3 legged stools and Woks instead. Not to be deterred, off I went to the next stop. B & Q - an old favourite.
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So we get to B&Q. The only space in the car park is so far away that we have to get a taxi to the entrance. In we go and its a feast of BBQ goodies just begging to be bought. I can't contain myself. Out comes the B&Q store card (only 17.8% APR - not bad) and before I know it I've got tongs, things, wotsits, coal and this brilliant BBQ lighting gel. But can I get a barbeque? Nope! There's a pile of bricks with a "reduced" sign on it. the leaflet said "Build yourself a Barbeque".
Well if I was going to entertain that, I wanted instructions on how THIS one was built. Then I know what not to do. By this point I'm thinking, perhaps I'll let this be my girlfriends idea after all. At that moment, Mum shouts "here's one." Indeed it was. Shiney, gleaming, all the accessories and a f*cking gas one. Nice one. Perhaps we could place little lumps of coal on it and pretend it. Now I'm feeling like a tw*t. I've got coal, tongs, things, wotsits and some brilliant BBQ lighting gel - and still no barbeque.
You won't believe this. Homebase, MFI, Tesco's (posh one up the road from my mate Chris), all sold out of Barbeques. Suddenly, a flash of inspiration... Argos. Praise be to the Gods of retail. As I walked towards the store I hear this funny noise going on. It's a kind of alarm type noise. In fact it's a kind of fire alarm noise. You can imagine my face as I see Argos being evacuated because of a fire alarm. I almost cried.
I'm tired, I've been to five stores and unless the fire alarm is going off because a Barbeque demonstration is taking place, I am NOT amused. (Actually, what would happen if a BBQ store had a fire? Everyone would be looking around going "hey, that one burns brilliantly!" Makes you wonder)
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After a ten minute wait, in we go and look at... no, please no ... the brand NEW autumn/winter catalogue. Does it have a BBQ in it? Does it &^%$. I'm beaten. I can't believe it. The whole of Cambridge and not a coal barbeque to be found. In desperation (or madness - by this time I was feeling quite confused and dribbling badly), I decided to stop in at Asda. I did not get my hopes up as I saw yet another 40 cubic metres of coal going cheap, nor was I surprised by the empty area near wher the barbeques used to be. But then, could it be? More unlikely than Dale Winton announcing is heterosexual love for J Lo at the same time that all 6 of my numbers come up, there it was.
The only barbeque in Cambridge and it's mine. All mine god damn you. I was tearful when I went to pay for it. But that tale is for another day....
posted by Toaster @ 4:45 PM
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